Here’s why you should never fall in love with me.
can’t you see all the troubles you are about to put yourself into?
I really thought you knew better than this. Hence, before your feelings go any deeper, let me tell you something about me; I am the true embodiment of a broken vessel. With that said, no matter how much kindness and attention you give me, they will never be enough to satisfy my hunger for affection. I want you to know that I am primarily composed of sadness, fury, and guilt. Pain is my mother, and Madness is my father. I grew up inside a ruptured skeleton full of tangled cobwebs, nurtured by frustration, gruesome sleeping hours, and forsaken breath of corrupted minds.
I will tell you not to fall for me because I might not be fast enough to catch your flailing body mid-air. You saw it already, didn’t you? My limbs get acutely ensnared in between mistrust and misjudgment. You must have known better — I would be the kind of person who gets too scared taking all the risk of saving you from the fall — because I, too, might be falling for you by doing so.
I will ask you to stop having any romantic interest in me because I might not be powerful enough to fulfill such an unthinkable desire. Isn’t it obvious? This chained heart of mine got chronically contaminated by the deadly Stockholm syndrome. I have been captivated by this lavish, calamitous gown woven from the thread of lies that life keeps mass-producing nonstop. Something that I have been fond of wearing for years and years.
I will tell you not to dream of the impossible; you and I together are going to live happily ever after. Because you have heard all those rumors, haven’t you? The thing about how Happiness has always been looked down on and is treated daily as a complete stranger in my house. Or about how I grew up having Betrayal as my brother, Loneliness as my sister, and Grief as my best friend. I can’t afford to have you by my side — not when I still have the tendency to crush and peel my own skin, then evolve into everybody’s worst nightmare. And you? There’s no guarantee you won’t be my upcoming major trauma.
I must ask you to take several steps further away from me. Don’t you realize that my breaths get practically stolen away whenever you are around? I have learned that our heated proximity might suffocate me to death. And may I remind you? Your sanity could collapse anytime soon due to extreme exhaustion from the intensive care of all my contagious wounds and obnoxious scars.
I will have to tell you to stop looking at me with those tender gazes full of longing and admiration. You knew it, too, didn’t you? About how my bloodshot eyes often drown in a bottomless pool of resentment and casually being shadowed by the fear of abandonment — that’s why I always leave first. I promise you; tears full of remorse will darken your blushing cheeks the second you determine to surrender your heart to me.
I could mention a gazillion other reasons why you should stop developing your feelings toward me before it’s too late, but it’s a little bit too tough not to hurt myself while telling you all this. Please save yourself and that sincerity of yours for someone else whose soul is strong enough to accommodate them all. That being the case, it’s not a reach to conclude that love is a foreign notion I hardly ever understand, and that’s how I often end up bestowing aches on those who give it all up to me in the name of love.
Do you now see how much of a cursed catastrophe I truly am?
So, please, turn your back and stop having any ideas about falling in love with me.
